Meet my Folks is a spinoff of the movie Meet My Parents, right down to the polygraph test. I’m sure most people have seen it, and hopefully your reaction was the same as mine. I was extremely angry. I felt horrible for the people who took the lie detector test thinking they were going to be caught. I was angry at the test administrator who pretends he can, with absolute assurity, identify the truth. Even if polygraphs weren’t full of crap to begin with, the questions asked of the contestants on the show are often of a most ridiculous sort.
“Will you sleep with my daughter if you go to hawaii with her?”
Umm, no? Yes? I don’t know?
How in the heck could anyone answer that? Let’s pretend for a moment that there is some scientific basis for a polygraph. Let’s pretend that it’s actually reasonably accurate. What is it measuring? Well, it’s measuring physiological responses, so we can assume it’s measuring whether or not someone believes they have told a lie. If you honestly believe something to be true, then there is no physical way for a lie detector to determine otherwise. When asking questions like the above, the lie detector is moving even further into the realm of fiction. How in the world could anyone answer a question in the future? Of course they couldn’t, because they themselves aren’t a prognosticator, any more than lie detectors are the mind readers they claim to be.
Of course, that’s assuming there’s some actual basis to trust the lie detector does what operators claim it can do in the first. Many claim it can’t even do that.
From a 60 Minutes II episode, to Salon articles, and even a million dollar scientific investigation, it’s relatively well reported how useless the polygraph is. If it works, it’s because people’s own nervousness lets it work. Of course, this is effective against people who are simply really nervous about such a test as well. So just relax. Really.
If I were a parent, I would seriously be happier if the guy looked me straight in the eye and said “Yes, I hope to sleep with your daughter if we go to Hawaii” than if he tried to lie to me. I’d like to think that even when I’m the father of an adult child I would know the score and not expect unreasonable things from people.
Left by John on July 2nd, 2003
It’s official now: Son-of-Biesnecker will never be allowed in the same room as Daughter-of-Dave.
Left by Dave on July 2nd, 2003
Once my, your, etc daughter turns 17ish, you better believe that the guy she is with is trying to fuck her. It sucks to think about that, but you have to get over it. It’s like, no shit. Captain Obvious is here to say that I want to sleep with your daughter. I hate that show anyway.
Left by Aristotle on July 3rd, 2003
I’ve been meeting Morgan’s family this whole week and haven’t gotten any questions like that. I had just watched meet the parents again recently, so that made me a little more nervous, but it has been alright. Cool family, just kind of strange being welcomed into the family so much after just less than 3 months. No avoiding when they are in town for over a week.
Left by Evan on July 6th, 2003
From what ellen told me of the polygraph, they tell you all the questions they’re going to ask you before hand. They’re all yes or no questions. And the person that administers the test has a kind of hypnotic voice sending you into a semi-conscious trance. You have to answer as fast as possible and they try to gauge any involuntary reactions to that. I imagine the Department of Defense is more experienced and skilled at this sort of thing than a stupid pseudo-reality tv show though.
Left by Eric on July 7th, 2003