I’ve been quiet lately, at least in terms of posting, and for that I apologize. When Jordan and I started this joint endeavor I assumed that I would be the one that held up his low posting rate, but it seems to be the other way around. He has kept the posts/day average from slipping below one while I have slacked off (or, rather, been inundated with work and have done nothing even resembling slacking for the last two weeks), and for that I am very appreciative. I’m going to try to hold up my end of the bargain better in the coming weeks and months.
I’ve been writing in an analog (i.e., pen and pencil) journal for the last few weeks, and I find the experience liberating. It is nice to feel the pen in my hand, and to press the ink down onto the paper. As comfortable as I am typing and using computers, there is something visceral about the act of writing that cannot be easily reproduced. It has also allowed me to write in more personal terms, something I have heretofore been unwilling to do online.
I’m thinking of restarting an old website (johnwb.com) as a personal/professional site and including my analog journal there, kept a week or so out of date because of the work needed to type handwritten entries. It wouldn’t impact my wantingseed posts (not that I’m very prolific these days as it is, and I don’t post here about personal matters anyway), and it would give me a place to toy with web design again (something that I have promised all involved in this little collaboration I would refrain from doing in the short term). I’m not entirely set on the idea, and I don’t have the time to do it now anyway, but I own johnwb.com for almost two more years and I might as well do something with it.
Six weeks to go and I’m starting to feel those first pangs of uncertainty. I was expecting these, and really surprised that they took so long to appear. Most of them center on a person that I work with, whom I may or may not be in love with, whom may or may not have a boyfriend who she is love with, and whom may or may not have very conflicting and similar feelings toward me. Were things different, or even if things had the remote possibility of being different, it may be enough to make me stay. But things are what things are, and so I’m going, even if it means saying goodbye to someone that I’d really rather not say goodbye to.
How’s that for non-specific prose, huh?
Yeah, the last paragraph was nearly Dave-ish in its non-specificity.
Funny how these things work like that. Sorry you’ve got to make a choice like that, even if it sounds mostly made, it doesn’t mean it’s pleasant.
Left by Jordan on July 1st, 2003
Yeah, it does seem to always work like that. It is totally already made — the visa is applied for, the tickets are nearly bought (still waiting to finalize some travel plans with another guy going to teach at ZUCC), and the packing/throwing out is already begun. And it’s certainly the _right_ thing to do… but, as you said, not very pleasant.
Left by John on July 1st, 2003
And, yeah, I fully expected to be the consumate slacker of the group. I think it large part, MT helps me post more often with the draft function. Being able to half-create an entry, or even just put a title and a reminder in and save it for later is great for me.
Left by Jordan on July 1st, 2003